Bee the difference

Alicia Taylor, 19, from Leyland, Lancashire talks about her recent trip to talk at the UN Global Congress of Victims of Terrorism

A few years ago, I would never have been able to picture myself speaking to thousands of people at the UN Headquarters in New York. It’s not the sort of thing young people from a small town in Lancashire are given the opportunity to do. At 13, my entire life changed when I survived the Manchester Arena attack and this is what I spoke about at the UN.

Back in August this year, myself and eight other young survivors of the 2017 Manchester Arena Terror attack launched a research project called Bee The Difference, which advocates for an improved support system for future young survivors of terrorism. It’s a survey we designed with help from Dr Cath Hill, a lecturer in Social Work at Lancaster University, and the team at the National Emergencies Trust. It’s open to all young people affected by the Arena Attack who were under 18 at the time and aims to find out what support young people have received since the attack and how helpful (or not!) this has been.

It’s a very unique project so its launch in August attracted a lot of media attention, which has been brilliant for raising awareness of the survey among young Manchester survivors. It also caught the eye of those planning the UN Global Congress of Victims of Terrorism in September - and before we knew it, we were on a plane bound for New York.

I was invited to speak on a panel representing the views and needs of young people affected by terror. I was pretty nervous about what I was going to say or how this might come across to an international audience. But I decided to tell my personal story because I think this best brings to life why a project like Bee The Difference is needed - and how all different parts of society can play a role in ensuring that young people affected by terrorism in the future get the best care possible.

I was just 13 years old when the attack happened. It was my first time going to a concert with my friend without the supervision of our parents, who were waiting for us that night in the foyer where the bomb went off. Before the attack I was an innocent child, like so many others that night. I was sheltered and naive. I would never have believed that something on such an unprecedented scale would happen to me and my family. The attack ripped away that veil of childish naivety. It was like my childhood essentially ended on that night.

I think it’s important to understand that a child’s response to trauma is different from an adult’s. A child doesn’t have the emotional maturity of an adult and may have a very difficult time comprehending what has happened to them. In my case, I was suddenly face to face with the kind of evil that I vaguely knew existed on the news and in films. I never thought it would become my reality. I didn’t fully understand it - and I needed support from the people and institutions around me to help me to process what had happened and move forward.

School is a really important place for this processing. But my experience after the attack was not a very positive one. I felt very invalidated by my high school as they did not recognise what had happened to me and several other victims in my school, who were aged around 12 or 13 at the time. They did not listen to us or give us any beneficial immediate mental health support. As a child, I didn’t realise how wrong this was. Only nine months after the bombing, the school carried out an unannounced bomb drill, which set many of us months and months back in our recovery. I remember seeing school as an antagonistic force and feeling that they didn’t really care what had happened to us.

A child needs emotional support that is stable, secure and consistent. In my opinion, the school needs to be on the child’s side, and they need to safeguard the child, and acknowledge what has happened to them. The last thing a young person needs after experiencing major trauma is feeling as if their wellbeing and needs don’t matter. For me, school support was even more important because my mother was also caught up in the attack and experienced shock. She was standing in the foyer, but she was lucky; the only physical injury she came away with was deafness in one ear. Nevertheless, her mental injuries meant she couldn’t support me until she got support herself.

School should be a safe space, external to home life, where children aren’t judged by their experience or alienated by it. It is where their emotions should be listened to and supported. It should be a kind place that can educate children affected by terror that life isn’t all evil and reassure them that they have the ability to be reintroduced back into “real” life. For example, I think there should be counsellors, maybe therapists, teaching children how to access the safe space in their minds as well as in real life. And importantly, educating the child that what has happened to them isn’t their fault.

I have personally found support from other survivors incredibly helpful. It’s where I have felt most validated and least alone. As part of the Manchester Survivors Choir, I went to an Ed Sheeran concert which was the first concert I attended since the attack. The experience taught me normality and I think it is important to teach a child what it should have been like; what a concert should have felt like. Although the memory of the attack will always be permanently tattooed in my mind, that positive new experience meant I could reimagine the past and transform it into a good memory, knowing what it’s like to leave a concert feeling safe. It provided us all with hope. I got this same warm feeling again on our trip to New York when we attended the 9/11 memorial event and met survivors of that attack. We had never met each other before - but somehow, we feel like family. We can help each other through.

I feel hope too when I think about the Bee The Difference survey and what it might help to achieve for other young people like me. Those of us helping to lead it want to make sure that other young survivors have a voice to share their experiences. As I said at the UN, we are advocating for a holistic support system, without disparities, so that no other child in the future will feel the invalidation that I once felt and many others did - and will get the best care at every step. Whoever they are. It’s a really short survey to fill in, but it could make a huge difference to others, so we hope that as many young people as possible will take part.

Next to my name in the UN congress outline, I was described as a ‘survivor of terrorism’ but that is what and not who I am. Children and young people like me are still learning about the world and where they belong in it. When something devastating happens to them they need to be offered a helpful road to recovery. Therapy, having access to a safe space and crucially being listened to by institutions. Through Bee The Difference we are listening to young survivors’ needs today - and in the future we will make sure that they are listened to, and supported, when it really matters.

To find out more about the survey and to take part, please visit the National Emergencies Trust’s website: https://nationalemergenciestrust.org.uk/beethedifference/